So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
3 2 1 whiskey
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
