Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
