Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
