Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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