i think i have two assholes
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
