just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
