Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
