I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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