i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Randomize
