I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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