First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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