What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
