i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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