i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We are two peas in an std pod
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
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