Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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