I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think people are normalizing furries
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
