you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
