Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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