he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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