It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
