Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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