You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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