Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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