did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
