They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
