her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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