im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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