I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize
