When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
