bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
