I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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