Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
