im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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