So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
