Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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