You don't have asthma, your pregnant
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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