I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
