billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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