I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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