sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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