Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
