Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
