what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
