OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
