me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
