It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
