This girl is more easily done than said...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
