On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
