shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
