I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
