i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
