I CAN MOONWALK!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
