I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
false alarm. still invincible.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's official drugs can't kill me
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
