and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
