My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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