I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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